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The Airport

No one was at the airport to fetch me!

So take a bus? Take a taxi? How about a limousine?

No Al, talk to tourist information, they will be able to tell you your options, what to pay, etc.

Yeah right!
The photocopied handout Tourist Information present reminds me of the sort of information I would expect at Johannesburg International. The information is outdated and hopelessly inaccurate, because half the services are not available and the prices quoted are half what the services ACTUALLY charge.

How much to Pattaya? 2900, is the reply. No thanks, I say, and proceed to the next tout.

How much to Pattaya? 1700, he says. Now that’s more like it I think, but what is the catch?

How much to Pattaya? I ask the next fellow, 2100, he brags his cut rate price. No! You are mad!

That fellow wants 1700, I brag back. Says he, now smugly, we not change car halfway, our car aircon, no exla char expless way (in his best accent).

Oh Shit! OK bugger all yawl!!

I find a tout and thinking I now have the street smarts, ask bluntly:

How much to Pattaya, including the expressway and all toll fees? He whips out a flip file and shows me the price, 2400.

Says me, NO OTHER COSTS! 2400 NOW! AND YOU TAKE ME PATTAYA AND I NO PAY NOTHING?!

Clever man that he his, whips out his receipt book and communicates that he will give me a receipt which says “Include expressway.”

So I know I am being charged too much, but hey, a receipt.

He can sense my thoughts and proudly displays a badge claiming he is an official mover of people for the Thailand Airports Authority.

Now I know I am in trouble, but hey, at the price, how much more could I be ripped off, so I reluctantly agree. He issues a receipt and in brackets (Include expressway) is noted.
I grab the receipt book and scribble “fully inclusive price from Bangkok to Pattaya”
He thinks I must be from South Africa, or at least a few Thai green curries away from the funny farm.

I am proud of my actions though, cough up the dough and with copy of receipt in hand, am being led out of the airport to my steed and the steed’s pilot.

Turns out the driver pays for everything, I relax at the back. Halfway though the journey he stops at a garage with a few shops. I’m thinking this is where they change the damned car for some clapped out scrap bucket. Well it ain’t happening, coz I got a receipt.

He offers in no English at all, that I should get some cool drink or something to eat.
What a nice fellow. So I buy him the bottle of mineral water he reluctantly indicates he would like and we are off again towards Pattaya.

So, we get to Pattaya after an uneventful 2 hours, and he asks where I am staying. The Bella Villa hotel? He hasn’t a clue.


I offer that I had heard it was near the beach road, so he goes that way.
We find the hotel, more by accident than knowledge of the area, or an address.

I thank the quiet driver, send him on his way and enter the Bella Villa.

Yep, you got it!

No reservation has been made for anyone arriving under the EDS / GM banner.

What a surprise, since they weren’t at the airport.